Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Marketing and Salesmen Jokes

Third Way

The Optimist says, "The glass is half full."

The Pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

The Marketing Consultant says, "Your glass needs re-sizing."


Different ways of marketing:
 1. You see gorgeous girl in party, you go to her & say I am rich marry me.
- That's Direct Marketing.

2. You attend party & your friend goes to a girl & pointing at you , tells her. He is very rich, marry him
- That's Advertising.

3. Girl walks to you & says you are rich,can you marry me ?
-That's Brand Recognition

4. You say I m very rich marry me & she slaps you
-That's Customer Feedback

5. You say I m very rich marry me & she introduces you to her husband
-That's Demand & Supply Gap

6. Before you say I m rich, marry me, your wife arrives
-That's Restriction from Entering New Market.


Marketing Two-Upmanship
A retailer was dismayed when a competitor selling the same type of product opened next-door to him, displaying a large sign proclaiming "Best Deals".

Not long after he was horrified to find yet another competitor move in next-door, on the other side if his store. It's large sign was even more disturbing- "Lowest Prices".

After his initial panic, and concern that he would be driven out of business, he looked for a way to turn the situation to his marketing advantage. Finally, an idea came to him. Next day, he proudly unveiled a new and huge sign over his front door. It read,

"Main Entrance"!

The Pope and KFC
A Marketing Consultant employed by KFC gained an audience with the Pope, and offered him a million dollars if he would change 'The Lord's Prayer' from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused the offer.
Two weeks later, the consultant offered the Pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the generous offer.
Another week later, the consultant offered the Pope 20 million dollars, and finally the Pope accepted.
The following day, the Pope briefed his staff.
"I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'

LAWN MOWER
A new sales assistant was hired at a large department store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in.Sales manager: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
Customer : I guess so. I'll take one.
Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
Customer : Um, okay.
Sales manager: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long.
Customer : I'll take one of those too.
After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. "You see?" he said, "that's the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than what the customer originally came in for."
Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in.
Man: I'd like to buy a pack of Tampax, please.
Sales assistant: Sure, and would you like to buy a lawn mower too?
Man: Why would I want to do that?
Sales assistant: Well, your weekend's shot to hell anyway, so you might as well mow the lawn.

A BLIND SALESMAN IS NOT BLIND
A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked, there's a knock at the door. The nun calls, "Who is it?"
A voice answers, "A blind salesman."
The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she's naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says, "Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie...?"


UNBREAKABLE COMB 

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."

TWO COMPUTERS

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Office Manager: That's great, I'll take two of them.

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